Although it has been a rough week of sickness... some positives have come out of it. This week I had no choice but to be still, to be in the moment, to not work.....it felt strange, very strange actually, but it also felt really really good.
So now that I am finally on the mend, I am seeing things a little clearer and think it is time to reassess.
Don't get me wrong - I love working, I love being productive and feeling like I am accomplishing things, feeling like I am aiming towards something. Having these goals and things to aim for is a very large part of who I think I am. These are all really good things, but the problem is I often forget I'm actually just one person and there is only so much one person can do.
On Thursday when I got up in the morning, the house was clean thanks to the lovely Silvia, washing had been done, the only 2 things on my To Do List was 1. Take a library book back and 2. Pay a bill online. That's it. I cannot remember the last time I had 2 such simple things on my list. It felt very freeing but I also spent most of the morning aimlessly wandering around trying to remember what I was supposed to get accomplished that day. I must admit I felt a bit lazy! Yes, I was still unwell, but seriously, the last time I had nothing to do ... well, who knows when that was!
So today, I am feeling more myself, my energy is coming back .. but something has changed. At the beginning of this year, I had high hopes for a busy year full of reaching goals, finally doing things I have thought about for ages, being so amazingly productive. Who knows, I will probably still achieve lots of things and be productive and reach some of my goals... but my new focus for this year has changed and it is very simple. My focus is to be still, to be in the moment and soak up the opportunity of making memories my family and friends. That's it.
I'll keep working - maybe just less, I will keep running - I will most likely still run those races, still do the Bibbulmun Track walk, still study at sometime whether it be this semester or the next... but I'm going to be more 'kind' to myself, if for some reason one of those goals aren't met... that's okay. I've often had those closest to me, tell me that I set too high expectations for myself, set expectations that no human can possibly meet... and it's starting to sink in.
So this year... I'll try to be still, I'll work on being in the moment... and remember that there is a time for everything.
A Time for Everything
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8
2 comments:
A good focus for the year. I love the poem something I definitely need to keep reading - might print it out and keep it in my purse
I'm glad there was a positive to come from being laid up with sickness. Accomplishing goals is fantastic, but also nothing wrong with "just being" sometimes too!
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