Day 156

AM
It's no secret that I over-analyse everything. Something I have been thinking a lot about over the last few months (years), and especially the last few weeks... is parenting and how I feel I cope with it.

There are days where I think "I'm not cut out for this!".. where I feel like I am literally hanging in there, rather than 'enjoying every moment of it'. I am a structured person, tidy, organised, I don't like clutter, I like order and I like to be planned and controlled. That's not to say I don't love also doing spur of the moment things, or leaving the house messy for the day etc or don't accept that life in general isn't predictable and controlled.. but for the most part being organised is my nature. This is all fine... except when you throw a couple of kids into that mix! Life with children can be unpredictable, messy, out of control and definitely not orderly!

I have over the time.. lowered my expectations somewhat, which is great. I do definitely enjoy the balance of order as well as spontaneity and 'organised!' chaos...but often the quieter, controlled side of me sometimes really struggles with the adjustment that having children brings. It took me awhile to realise this, to realise where the struggle comes from.. but then I slowly realised life with children battles against my usual nature.

Of course, this doesn't mean I don't love being a mother.. I love my boys more than life itself, they bring me so much joy, they make me happy, I wouldn't have it any other way. But in my analysing processes.. it has helped me a lot to realise WHY at times I struggle. And when I understand what is happening, I can then change things to make life easier for us all. For example.. if the house is messy, and the kids are getting irritable because I'm trying to clean and they are bored.. in the past, I may have just gotten extremely frustrated and we would all end up miserable. NOW, when I realise what is happening, I leave the housework and go and do something fun with my boys. That way, they are happy, then when we have had some quality time together, they can have a quiet time watching cartoons and I can continue on with the house work. The house gets cleaned, the kids and I get quality time together.. it's a win/win and everyone is happy.

So sometimes my over analysing does help! I am much more at peace when I understand myself better, when I understand my family better, when I understand what the underlying issues are in life situations, therefore I can make the necessary changes to improve the situation.

With all that said though.... no matter what your personality or nature, sometimes raising children is just plain hard work for no other reason but KIDS CAN BE HARD WORK! Whether you are organised or flexible, tidy or thrive in the chaos... doesn't matter! Kids can be tiring, life gets tiring, our patience wears thin, we crave peace and quiet, we crave time out.

And it's those times where you can throw your hands in the air and say 'Help Me! I need a break!'. 


The more I travel this path of being a mother.. I have come to truly understand and be at peace with (instead of trying to fight it) the fact that there will be times when I feel on top of the world and enjoy every single minute of being a mother or parent, feel completely content and at peace.. and there will also be times when it's hard work, I struggle, I feel like crying, I desperately need a break and I find myself not enjoying being a mother so much. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! We can't enjoy the good times, without having the hard times. It's the hard times that make us want to grab hold of those good times and enjoy them even more to build our strength to handle the next patch of rough road we will come across on the journey.

And I must be getting better at the whole balance thing... it's 8.30am, the house still needs cleaning but instead while Jacob naps, Sam and I have been chasing each other around the family room and now I'm sitting with a coffee writing my blog :) (I told you my mind works better in the morning... I could never get this piece of writing done if I left it to tonight!).

Oh and by the way... I'm in the 'feeling great' part of my journey, although I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact that I know soon I'll be heading off on my break!! Whatever the reason - I'll run with it and enjoy it while it lasts!

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PM
It's the end of the day now...nearly my bedtime and I almost feel bad talking about the hard times, because today was absolutely delightful! Children like to keep you on your toes right?! Just when I thought I couldn't handle my toddler any more, he has slowly swapped his naughty self for a beautiful angel this past week... oh what a joy he has been! (Oh don't worry - I know it won't last!!!) which is why I am going to enjoy, enjoy, enjoy him while this beautiful stage lasts! I have cherished today... we went on a play date with a friend, then we spent so much time at home having fun together, being silly, playing games, talking and laughing.. it's been gorgeous. And boy, did I need that! It's been a full on few months in so many ways, so because of those hard times... the good times today were oh so precious to me and I soaked it all up. Life is a never ending roller coaster... let's ride!

x